Gadaffi Actually Dead... Maybe?

Boo.... hahaha

He might well be dead.

-- I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.
Tommy Cooper

My Geek Head Exploded from My Geek Neck

The Avengers trailer is finally here. Its pretty cool, if not for the gay late 90's soundtrack. Check it the shit out!

Who Needs CERN? Not Crocodile Dun-Scientist!

So I always knew Australia was upside down, I mean its all the way on the other side of the planet. It intrigues me that a civilization could exist like that with the Earth being on the back of some Elephants and a Turtle. (That's right bitches a Terry Pratchett reference!)

Yet I never realized its physics were also all mental and wrong. I mean this old croc-bothering loon has some kind of mystical, black magic inspired control over slinkies!

Grab your shotguns, they will be after our wives with their witch craft and kangaroo riding armies soon!

Completely bad ass, however my slinky never made it down the stairs and always got tangled within a day, explain that Aussie Hawkins!

-Chovey

Oh How Things Have Changed

Wow, do you remember 1996? I sure as hell do, The Lost World: Jurassic Park trailers were doing the rounds, as was Men In Black, oh and there was rumours of super speedy 128KPS internet connections! Its like Marty McFly just bought his hover board to 1955. Well here is some evidence of just how far we have come. Although to be honest, there are probably some hipster douche bags in Manchester who own these phones, claiming they are retro alternatives to the mainstream technologies. 

Pagers, however, didn't catch on anywhere but on the set of E.R.

-Chovey

Artist Introduction - English Frank

No Frank. I meant Scott Parker is good. Honestly. Please don't bite me.

Artist Introduction – English Frank

English Frank, formerly Frantic Frank is an English rapper; he’s a proud Londoner which explains why he likes to wear Del Boy sheepskin coats and talk about England a lot.

I think a rappers name is important and I like the name ‘English Frank’ it’s very simple and also very ermmm English, don’t be fooled by the jovial simplicity of his name though as Frank is certainly not the mellow jokey type; if you want an example of why then check out his latest F64 on youtube on which he raps about threatening to give the cameraman a beating, a menace in his eyes that suggests he probably would.

Frank’s delivery combines a lot of passionate anger with lyrics spat at an impressive BPM; lyrically he’s far better than your average MC and tackles topics ranging from your standard tales of drug dealing to the problems within inner city communities. There’s something special about Frank, I can’t quite put my finger on it but he possesses something that makes you want to listen to him, it could be the blood-boiling rage he exhibits on the microphone or the brutal and honest insight he offers regarding the drug/knife/gun culture on London Estates. Frank hasn’t got an official album out yet but his mixtape is available for free on www.datpif.com (you’ll have to make an account but it’s free and highly worth it as there’s thousands upon thousands of top-notch mixtapes worth downloading, also check out www.livemixtapes.com ).

I haven’t heard enough of English Frank to completely judge his ability but based on his mixtape ‘The Hardway’ and his SBTV appearance he’s a talented bloke, albeit a talented bloke with a terrible taste for coats.

Flow: 8/10

Lyricism: 7/10

Gangsterness: 10/10

Dickheadness: 2/10

Song Quality: 8/10

-TDS_Biro Boy

Artist Introduction - Lunchables

Banned in the 90's. This shit Fo' real Nigga. Better respect them Snickers Bite-Size foooooolll.

I know a million Mad-Men fans are screaming at their Apples, shouting "Don Draper does NOT approve."

-Chovey

An Idiots Guide to Football, 5 Easy Tips.

Football, Soccer, Kick Ball, Leather-sack-wap-about. The beautiful game has many names, many teams and many, many rules. Countless confusing terms, opinions and bizarre eccentricities. So with this new update, to this brilliant blog, I aim to educate, inform and enlighten the unknowing so that they may converse, understand and enjoy football with the masses. So with out further hesitation or procrastination here we go:

FOOTBALL!

1.a. You must support one* team, no matter how neutral you claim to be. You get to choose one team in all of the Leagues, you get bonus points for teams in the lower, less glamourus levels of professional football. However with those bonus credits, you also lose the thrills of watching your team play regularly on TV and a better standard of football. Swings and roundabouts.

*You may eventually have a second team, that you choose to support on occasion as well, but that's an intermediate level of knowledge that we will reach at another date.

*-Super Tip-* You don't want to be that wanker in the pub watching the game who claims he supports neither team playing, who just enjoys watching football, who says that immortal douche bag line "No matter what the score is, football is the real winner". So Pick a team, mention it to a mate at the start of the 90' minutes and egg them on. The whole viewing experience will be improved massively by this choice.

1.b. You can counter claim supporting one of the 2 teams playing, by hating one of them instead, thus enjoying their defeat or cursing their unfairly obtained victory.

2. Don't bother buying a replica shirt*. They are stupidly expensive, horribly made, always out of fashion and replaced within a year by a whole new, slightly different kit. Nothing says part time supporter or full time cunt like a 2 year old Man Utd shirt. Instead just invest in a scarf. It actually keeps you warm,  plus if you manage to get to a real "mud & pies" game you can wave it above your head like a loon.

*There is one Replica shirt you can get. Retro ones. For example this England 90-93 away kit will do just fine.

Sometimes you can smell Gazza's tears in the fabric.

3. I'm going to use a personal example this one: A good friend of mine, recently moved to the country, decided that football is such a prevalent part of our society that to integrate properly he must support a team. Logically he chose a team which were fairly successful while also having some persoanl attachment too, he chose Tottenham Hotspur. When he started to support it was a point in time when they were being put in that "Top 4" bracket, aka a team which may win the league. He was a happy fan. They were beating teams left right and centre, had great young players and a reliable clever manager. Things have changed in 2 years. Spurs are no longer a top 4 team, lacking the investment of Manchester City and Liverpool, they have dropped behind, quite a way behind.

So, then came the first game of the Season, at Old Trafford, against a rejuvenated Wayne Rooney and friends. Tottenham were thrashed. My friend was not too pleased, he apparently stomped, protested and got angry. His housemates were displeased by his football based irritation.

I heard of his displeasure and informed him that no one, except close local rivals, get upset at losing to Man Utd. He didn't understand. I carried on, "We all lose to Manchester United. Everyone has or will be thrashed by them. Its a fact of life, like dying". It dawned on him. He had probably chosen the wrong team.

4. If your team aren't Manchester City, United or Chelsea, do NOT get attached to a good player at your club. He will be sold. Usually just after claims from both club and player that your club is everything to him, that he wants to retire there, that its his home town and that it looked after him so well, all his friends and family are there....well... FUCK YOU ANDY! Sorry, I almost cried for a week when Andy Carroll left, little did I know what was around the corner. Goodbye sweet prince. Sorry, that still bites for me.


5. The final rule for this week, is an important one, especially for us of the English persuasion. Stay calm, what goes around comes around, for every 5-1 thrashing there is a relegation, for every 0-0 bore draw there is a 4-0 comeback. Football is to be enjoyed in the short and long term. It is hills and valleys and always, always entertaining. Just don't apply that rule to the national team. Ha.


More next week, you Footballing cretins.

-Chovey

A True Hero is Born....BOOBS! LOADS OF BOOBS!

Every once in a while a true Hero is born. A man or woman who takes it upon themselves to make a great sacrifice without guilt or expectation. A person of such character that their very thought of heroism will be etched into the minds of many, forever.

Here is an example of that.

Its in Russian and English, its long, but its perfect.

Don't thank me citizens of the world. Thank Russia.

-Chovey

Do You Like Small Dogs? Do you Like Dinosaurs? Then You'll Love This!

I know a fair few the WCD.com readers who have small dogs. I also know that some of our readers like to dress up their dogs in ridiculous Christmas costumes. Yet not many of you bored scum like Dinosaurs! What the hell is wrong with you people?

Well, don't say I don't treat you peasants. Here are small dogs; in bloody Dinosaur costumes!!

(And one Tortoise.)

No, Thank you world. You're right though. Best. Article. EVER!

Buy them all here. Party City Product Site

-Chovey

Artist introduction - Jay Electronica

That ball wasn't thrown, its levitating due to excess levels of  Win.

Jay Electronica, the Zorro of Rap, not many people have heard of him (hence why I gave him that nickname) which is a shame on a criminal level. If you are one of the unlucky persons check him out now, I guarantee it will be the most constructive thing you do today… seriously you could lose your job and a member of your extended family and still feel like you'd had a cracking 24 hours after listening to a couple of his tracks.

Electronica is a southern rapper; if you're not big on American hip/hop then I should explain that the southern artists get a lot of stick from the other coasts. Jay got first-hand experience with dealing with the stigma attached to being a southern rapper early in his career; and when rapping around New York and Detroit he was booed off stage more than once despite being an incredibly gifted lyricist with a top draw flow. He first burst onto the scene with a beautifully poignant freestyle over the soundtrack of the ‘quirky’ film ‘Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind’

You won’t hear Electronica boasting about how many slags he’s fingered or how white his new cica’s are, he’s very much a socially conscious rapper who thrives on addressing subjects usually untouched by rappers but don’t worry he doesn’t sound preachy at all, just fresh.

I’m not going to pour superlatives on a rapper anymore as they are all egomaniacs anyway (except Chipmunk who suffers from depression – a result of him being a talentless monkey-nut-headed barrel of festering turd.) Just do this - Open up a new tab, go to YouTube and search Jay Electronica click on the Exhibit C suggestion and listen…if you're a fan of hiphop, be it casual or hardcore and haven't heard this you're in for a very special five and a half minutes. In my own, very humble opinions, it's one of the top 10 hip-hop tracks of the decade, I mean that. If you claim to be a hip-hop head and don't like it; then go and put on a drake track and suck your own withered, little un-knowledgeable cock, until you cum to the sound of mediocrity, whilst the rest of us jostle out to audible magic.

"They Call me Jay Electronica/fuck that call me/Jay elec hannakah/Jay elec yamakah/ Jay elec tramadon Mohammed asalamokah while su the loss of ponowa whilst I holler through your moniter."

Songs to Look out for ‘Ghost of Christopher Wallace’ ‘Shiny Suit Theory (ft Jay-Z), ‘Eternal Sunshine’ and ‘Exhibit C’

He hasn’t officially released an album yet but one is imminent now that he’s signed for rocafella records which are owned by Jay-Z. He does have lots of mixtapes however which I’m too Lazy to list them, but they are readily available and largely free so download them yourself.

One of his mixtapes is called what the fuck is a Jay electronica, I suggest you find out.

Flow: 9/10

Lyricism: 9/10

Gangsterness: 3/10

Dickheadness: 2/10

Song Quality: 9/10

-TDS_BiroBoy

The Sorry State of Graffiti Part 2

I'm back from my week long, self imposed, (attempted) heart break mending exile.

That's right, I'm back and so is the least enjoyed and most ignored article on this "Great Blog"*. Back with a few updates of more local street art.

Woah woah woah, whats that? An improvement in the standard, I hear you say? Why its almost like I actually went and looked for some good street art instead of just stumbling on it....... well that's right I did.

Even though this is the typical Robin Hood tag work, I cant help but wonder if out there somewhere, there is a wall stencil sprayed with some Pro Nick Clegg sentiment. We can all wait and hope.

Some are attempts at biting social commentary, some are weird Moomins, all fail. We know Cameron is a posh twat, however, I don't think he is quite Alan Rickman; Sheriff or Nottingham level yet. And why would a Moomin ghost smoke? Why! Oh and that swan/duck tag, that is bloody everywhere in Cheltenham. What an odd tag.

More soon.

-Chovey