Anti-Drinking Advert Fails Again

I don't think I really have to say much, other than "shit me that guy is awesome". Anyone else want him at a party? He killed that kid with humour and ease. Bravo to him Bravo. Right i'm off for a drink. By drink I mean  bottle of vodka. By bottle of vodka I mean paint. By paint I mean a Tipex, under a bridge, with those tramps that smell like hell. My life sucks.

-Chovey

Weekly Slacker Highlights 2

The Dude waits some more.

Its definitely that time again, its the time for me to skip off writing an actual article, one of substance, and bring you instead a smorgasbord of internet highlights.

We have the new Johnny Depp, Hunter S Thompson Film trailer: "Rum Diary", The August Fail Compilation and much much more. Well actually, a small amount more. But hey its more and more is more right? More.

Dictator Death Photos

There's a lot the internet has given us, Nyan cat, Tron guy and fake celebrity photos. The latter has spawned a bizarre step child, fake death photos. Well, here are some, NWS if you haven't guessed already and quite gruesome. Remember they ARE fake though. 

ITS A PUPPET!

Obviously a tad fake.

Fidel Castro with added Email.

Next week I'll kill a dictator myself. And photograph it. I'm looking at you Cameron.

A Diamond Planet?! Every ring, bought for every girl, is now obsolete. 

So scientists, in all their wisdom, have looked through the universe for something to impress their World of Warcraft girlfriends, something so awesome they might have sex twice a year. The lo and behold they found this; a mo-fo-ing diamond planet. I'm pretty sure Kang the conqueror is however rubbing his hands with glee as Flash Gordon falls in to his elaborate plan for enslavement using the diamond eye of Ahkbar. If there's a diamond planet, does this mean QVC is making a giant Diamonique one?

Full story from Reuters here:  Diamond Planet

Johnny Depp is doing his Gonzo voice

If you have seen the rather Excellent "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" then this film should excite you. Based on the early Thompson novel "The Rum Diary" the film is set in Puerto Rico and follows a young journalist (Depp) as he attempts to write a novel as the increasingly bizarre country degrades around him. As with most of Thompson's books this one is based partly on true events, but also entirely from his own imagination so expect the unexpected. Trailers above:


E.T. Supplies the above trailer.

The Astronaut Suicides

Dude killed the Doctor Y'all!

I could describe how great this website is. I could go into the original and brilliant ideas that went into the photography. Or the genius of using the shuttles last flight as cause for astronaut depression. But I wont. Just go to the website and be entertained for 15 minutes or so. Brilliant.

Astronaut Suicides

The August Fail Compilation.

The A-Team didn't clear up after filming

Failing is an inherent part of learning. Its how we win. We learn to be better people, by losing. We also learn not to jump off big buildings, or swing around lamps at stupid heights. These people either haven't failed before, or have a natural addiction to embarrassment and being crap at things. Dudes love a bit of pain.

-FAIL

Well that's all for this week. Check again next week

-Chovey

National Dude Day

Better than Obama.

That's right douche-bags, its "National Dude Day", or was, or will be. Anyway its a celebration of all things Lebowski in London.

The Big Lebowski (1998), which if you aren't retarded or from the deep south (which is really one in the same) is the basis of our Logo, name and general site mantra.

Check it out, it will enrich your life. Its a movie viewing experience that might just blow your mind. It makes weed seem like the milk you have on your Frosties. Even Steve Buscemis' eyes look ok in it. Shit I'm babbling, back to the news.

The main thing to come out of this, weed smoking cluster fuck, is that all the cast are ready for a damned sequel! Hell's yeah.

Well actually I think that's a terrible idea. Why wreck a perfectly rounded stoner master piece by breaking the golden slacker rule? Trying harder.

More info in the link!

THE SUNS STORY ON NATIONAL DUDE DAY!

-Chovey

They are Soldiers Not Heroes.

This man has a gun, for shootin' them peoples.

There is a War in the middle east if you haven't heard.

Iraq was full of giant missiles and Godzilla esc world destroying monsters according to the Pentagon and Tony Blair. Afghanistan had some Taliban bastards who treated women worse than Alec Baldwin. And all this mess was caused by America getting attacked by some dudes from Al Qaeda.

Thus an "Alliance of the Willing", which sounded no where near as good as the original name "The Fellowship of The Ring" had to march over to the deserts and kick some bums.

Apparently.

But lets not get into the whys and wherefores. There were and are some wars going on right now and due to said instabilities we sent our Armed Forces to promote peace by killing some people.

(Right, now your up to date. See world events really aren't that complicated to understand or describe!)

Yet if this was just any another article easily found anywhere from your local popsicle stand to a Hairy Biker forum, those Armed Forces would be described as "Heroes", "Our Boys" and "The Brave Few".

Why?

Why are soldiers, who chose their profession with free will and ample warning, trained to kill and told death is a highly probable part of their profession, called Heroes and praised constantly for the job they are paid to do?

When a soldier dies on the battlefield, the government is blamed, the army themselves are criticized for lacking the correct equipment, sometimes even the guys who killed the poor bugger get a portion of the blame, but never the soldier himself. 

Yes any death is terrible. Any human life taken in anyway is unforgivable and tragically unfair. However, that soldier CHOOSE to put himself in that position. From the moment he decided that joining the Army/Navy/Air-force was the right career and life choice for him, he KNEW that death was a likely possibility facing him. Just as when he was training every day, he knew that he was being groomed to kill other human beings. Just what part of that is "heroic?" 

There isn't conscription anymore, no one is forced to join the Military to protect our shores from a likely invasion. No matter what Fox News tells you. When young men in the 1940's left Britain and the US to fight the Axis, it was barely their choice and was, in fact, to save the world from certain, terrifying oppression.

Literally, from Day 1 every soldier in training knows what to expect when their feet touch down on foreign shores. They expect team mates to die, they expect IED's and suicide bombings. They are encouraged to shot to kill. I'm not saying its pleasant, or right, but again its down to choice, these men didn't have to sign up for this. 

Perhaps, the choice is out of their hands in a societal fashion, a large percentage of ground troops or "squaddies" come from impoverished backgrounds, the Army is seen as a way out of the poverty for them, with no other options to make the same levels of money with limited qualifications. Yet again however it isn't their only choice, many paths are open to them that don't involve killing, or being killed.

So back to my original statement, why call them Heroes? Are they selflessly putting their lives on the line to save the innocent? Are they joining the fight abroad to save our shores from a deadly invasion? No, they get paid to kill. They join the army to shoot people and earn a wage, oh and travel the world as well. 

When did the public begin praising those who are so blood thirsty? I have spoken to many who have joined the army, very few, (if any) have quoted their main aim in their career choice as "protecting the shores of my fine and fair country."

Don't get me wrong however, bravery is still evident, when a soldier jumps on an imminently exploding grenade, or when choosing not to blow up a jeep full of civilians when commanded to do so. But not every soldier killed in a war is a Hero. 

1 person a day dies on average in an industrial related accident. Yes that's 1 Per day.

Where are their televised funerals? Where is their charity for the widows? 

There isn't one.

They aren't aware that every day they are putting their life on the line for a living. They don't know the profession they are entering into is primarily the promotion of death. Yet their deaths get no media coverage, no crying widows in Wotton Basset around their hearse.

They also don't get Facebook groups as ridiculous as "Give footballers wages to the Soldiers." I could rant about this statement alone for hours and in hundreds of words, but I'll simply explain in one paragraph or less just how ridiculous, un-founded and utterly retarded a statement like that truly is.

*Rant begin*

The average football career spans 15 years maximum, of those footballers 100 or so will have 7-10 years on wages of around £60,000 a week, even less will have over that. Football is a small profession made up of a minute amount of the worldwide population. They play in a highly paid, massively viewed, niche world. You have to be the very best in your field to get the best pay in any job. The best footballers are no different. The average soldier has limited to no qualifications, the skills they are trained in are not fields which are viewed massively by the media and you do not have to have extraordinary physical gifts to be in the Army. You choose to join and you are paid accordingly for your skill set. For these reasons and many more Soldiers do NOT deserve the wages of footballers. *Rant over*

Heroes can in certain situations be soldiers, but my god, please don't claim that every man killed in Iraq or wherever is a hero befitting a protest, government funded funeral and full recognition in parliament for one simple reason. Choice. 

I know this is a touchy subject, many know people who have died in wars, or come back scarred from them both mentally and physically. I in no way aim to disrespect or insult their death or life, but the word hero needs to be used more sparingly and accurately. Or soon enough it wont mean anything at all.

Every soldier chose to be just that, a soldier. 

-Chovey

Florence and The Machine New release.

Even this Ethereal being uses the Tube. I bet Adele physically couldn't.

I bet Adele was shaking violently in her size 10 wellies when she heard this. Whats that? She was in New York yesterday?  ZING! Earthquake.

Wow. Just wow, this is stunning. I was at one point so completely enamoured with Florence Welchs' last album that I had it on repeat for 18 days. I didn't eat, or drink, my only sustenance was gained from licking the dust off the vinyl as it span.

Here is the video to the first track of her new LP: "What the Water Gave Me."

-Chovey

Artist Introduction: Giggs

Artist Introduction: Giggs

That's an official picture, we swear we aren't racist or nuthin'

Giggs aka ‘Hollowman’ is a rapper from Peckham or ‘Pecknam’ as he and his cronies call it (you get it? Like Vietnam cuz’ it’s proper violent). If you follow the British Rap or grime scenes you will have undoubtedly heard of him, if you don’t follow them, then you probably only know Giggs as a the Welsh footballer who fooled everyone into thinking he was a model professional whilst he was swinging his cock at any female (preferably in a relationship with a loved-one) within a 50mile radius of Old Trafford….This is not that Giggs, this Giggs used to swing around Glocks and Gats whilst selling drugs before he embarked on a rap-career and started telling everyone about it.

Giggs’ first release was the freestyle ‘Talking The Hardest’ which he recorded over the Dr Dre produced Stat Quo track ‘Here We Go’. This track was monumental in British Hip-Hop and it blasted the ‘Pecknam’ rapper straight onto the top of the game’s pedestal. I may add that the track is well worth a listen or sneaky download, in fact you could even purchase it but that would you make you a corporate square…Look out for the line “Anybody thinks they can talk to my click will end up covered in red like a portion of chips” I don’t think anybody has ever used a bag of chips in such a threatening and effective way. I like that bar a lot it’s a bit silly, very English and also extremely hostile (like Nick Griffin…that’s right, I do satire too.)

Giggs’ style is unique, which is a rarity in rap nowadays- a fan of Giggs would say his delivery is slow, deliberate, passionate and honest. A critic of Giggs would say that he sounds like a lobotomised retard reading out ghetto nursery-rhymes. I hold the opinion that whilst Giggs is certainly not breaking any boundaries when it comes to lyricism he does have qualities that other artists lack, mainly authenticity and "gangsterness", by that I mean that when Giggs raps/mumbles threats that, "he will shoot someone if they doth wrong him", he sounds like he genuinely will.

His authenticity as a ‘badman’ is backed up by the fact that Operation Trident seem to have it in for Giggs. They turn up at his gigs and cancel them, they got him dropped from a record label and they got him kicked off of a tour with Lil Wayne for being too ‘violent’. I personally find it as ridiculous as I do impressive; to be kicked off a standard popstar’s tour for being violent is understandable but slightly cool but for being kicked off the tour of one of gangster rap’s most famous patrons, who’s image and popularity largely depends on having a history of being a bit of drug slangin’, bitch fuckin’ piece shooting vagabond is pretty badass… but sadly on the other hand it also makes a large aspect of hip-hop a bit laughable - it would be like the Rolling Stones in their prime kicking someone off their tour-bus for drinking a can of shandy and letting off a party popper….Ok well it’s not exactly like that but it’s a good analogy and a damn funny one if you’re intellectually capable of understanding a top-notch level of wit.

If you want to check Giggs out, then the tracks I suggest you download/youtube are ‘Talking the Hardest’ ‘You Raised Me’ ‘Walk in Da Park’ and my favourite ‘Slow Songs’ which features a fucking sick and beautifully poetic verse from his mentor Mike Skinner (I probably should have mentioned that he was handpicked by Skinner’s label earlier)

His albums thus far are ‘Walk in Da Park’ and ‘Let Em’ Ave it’ (I’m lead to believe that Em’ is shortened slang for Them and not a girl called Emma whom he was going to ‘Let Ave It’)

Flow: 8/10

Lyricism: 6/10

Gangsterness: 9/10

Dickheadness: 2/10

Song Quality: 7/10

Final Bar – I’m a fan of Giggs; he offers good music and a decent insight into gang related violence (that sounded so suburban), but I do understand that not everybody will enjoy the dark mumbling tones of a bloke who sounds like a murderous old man who’s been through a couple of strokes.

-TDS_Brio Boy

Libya Falls

Tripoli? Or "TripoLOL!" Get it? As in laugh out loud? No? Well fuck you guys, you just don't get me anyway. You're not even my REAL Dad! *Sob*

Gadaffi Leaving to face the Rebels.

The real news is, that of course ,Libya is collapsing quicker than Adele's corset at a cake ingesting party. So get in there quick if you want to loot a Gadaffi Palace for awesome threads like the ones shown above! I bet he has a sick collection of PS1 games too.

-Chovey

Ok Go release Muppet Theme Song.

Beards look great with Puppets, not at all "Rapey"

Well it was only a matter of time before the Muppets called for the A-Team of D.I.Y. music videos. But Weezer were busy so they called the less known, less talented, more open to embarrassment Ok Go.

I'm excited for the movie no doubt, the idea of Muppets in a contemporary setting with added CGI and... aww crap I cant hold it back, this will be shit. I'm sorry, it will be and that upsets me.

The last good Henson Film was "A Muppets Christmas Carol". Which was brilliant simply for that ultra realistic Michael Caine puppet. Pity they can never get the eyes to look like they have souls behind them.

Enjoy the video below.

-Chovey

The Sorry State of Graffiti

Banksy is cool isn't he? He paints a picture of society on societies somber grey monolith buildings. Graffiti which raised any old "street art" to the lofty heights of Madonnas "Celebration" album cover. Hell most University dorm rooms feature one of his Rats with Elton Johns sunglasses on. So why is it that 99% of Graffiti is shite? I mean is it too much to ask that people put some effort into their anti-social behavior?

Below are some shots of Cheltenham's "Street Art", which I use in the loosest possible terms.
Proof of the state of our streets. No wonder they bloody riot.

As you can see, even with the evident humor of the last 2, its a right sorry state. Not only the standard  but the lack of any actual "Street Art" in this county.  There is hardly any Graffiti in either Gloucester or Cheltenham. Why? Can anyone help? Surely someone wants to make a mark? Its certainly a blank canvas.

Why not send some sweet art you've found locally and see it up here in the next Graffiti Blog.

Help us be a bit cool over here in the west. Lend us some Art.

woahcooldude@gmail.com

-Chovey

Gadaffi Shot Dead!! Updated!

Update..And Saif al-Islam has been captured by Ash from Pokemon or Libyan rebels or something! I thought he was still doing concerts in Jersey since he changed his name from Cat Stevens.

Apparently.....

Our view at WoahCoolDude.com is....

Because why would a honey badger care about Libya?

-Chovey

How Laziness leads to Religion

I might as well start by stating where my allegiance lies, I don’t believe in any supreme beings, roads to enlightenment or any sort of post life immortality; in cloud and golden gates form or other.

Neither do I believe in anyone’s right to dismiss or impede anyone’s rights to express their beliefs and views. Thus if this comes across as all too preachy, insulting or demeaning in anyway, well shove it, you’re an idiot for reading this blog and expecting to find anything moral/ethical/factual or fair.

Everyone is essentially a sceptic, whether it is about shoe prices that are too good to be true or the Cern large hadron collider being a waste of time. (Which it isn’t by the way, we’ve all seen Disney's Black Hole, great film.)

But why is skepticism seen as such a faux-pas in today’s society? In fact skepticism as a word is probably misleading, I prefer to call it by its layman’s term; doubt.

Simply put: everybody doubts something.  It’s perfectly fine to doubt climate change apparently, according to most sitcoms we doubt our relationships hourly, its almost good taste to doubt a football managers credentials, but, pardon the pun here, god forbid I doubt the existence of Jesus Christ. That’s just not right, how dare you question our most holy of beliefs. Well.....

I woke up today and turned on BBC1, a tad late for the Match of the day repeat which was a shame, yet just in time to catch some “audience-participation-screen rant” which co-starred caring in the society types and a smattering of religious dudes. By dude I mean reverends, priests, Tom Cruise type dudes, but referring to them by such terms undermines the very fabric of this slacker site. So dudes it is.

What assaulted my senses as I continued to watch this poorly presented tele-visual entertainment was a nonsensical dismissal of scepticism and any form of intelligent questioning.

A gentleman of at least 73 from the semi circular audience surrounding the female religious dude, the black religious dude and the white elderly religious dude, asked a rather cutting question about the value of religion when dealing with the education of children. He was immediately dismissed by all 3 members of the dude alliance. His opinion was seen as laughable, senile and obviously incorrect. They each mentioned with an almost harmonious clarity that they were all raised in religious schools, as was the elderly gentleman himself as were 90% of the audience and “well we all turned out ok didn’t we?”

Well no not all of us did.

What a scathing and horribly bleak view of education they produced. Had they forgotten the numerous crimes committed against children by Catholic priests in the supposedly good natured and safe environments of schools? What about the many children massacred in the Sudan? Killings started and maintained by religious views on ethnic cleansing? Were these valid and horrendous points brought up and mentioned as the dudes laughed off the old mans doubts? Or how about teaching our children to believe in something fictional, with no actual evidence substance or fact behind it, yet implying its as harmless as Father Christmas.

Now this may seem like the usual internet rant against god. He doesn’t exist because there’s too much pain and suffering in the world. There’s no god because there is no evidence. God can’t exist because of scientific evidence disproving most of the biblical fallacies. Well yes true these are all good arguments. Each with its own solid and hard to answer queries.

However what if we stop asking why? And start asking who? That’s a far more valid and scathing critique of the religious.

Why does someone believe in their God? Or why do I, and almost all Atheists, find it so hard to understand, with all the abundant evidence to the contrary, that someone can believe in a God?

I always wonder, when someone talks of their unwavering belief in Jesus, where they get the evidence to support their views? Why don’t they look at some scientific evidence for the big bang, or evolution or the many very decent websites/renowned papers/Richard Dawkins categorically disproving 90% of the bible?

Simply put, why doesn’t the average football fan look up the exact tactics required to break down Chelsea’s heavily packed and defence minded midfield?  Why don’t I look up who the cinematographer who helped to make Green Lantern slightly watchable?

Because we are all lazy. Laziness is the very essence of slacking or being a slacker. It’s easier to go with what feels right and what’s easy than to question and doubt ones self.

It’s easier and lazier to not question the masses and your schools syllabus when they say you were born with original sin, or created in the image of a magical high father. I’m not saying that this is the sole reason that religion exists and that if everyone were to thoroughly research their beliefs with an open mind that they would suddenly reach enlightenment. 

There are some very intelligent, very sound people who are completely convinced in their belief of the supernatural, however I believe (ironically) that if everybody were to be at least a little critical of there own beliefs we may finally see a rise in the skeptic again.

-Chovey

Weekly Slacker Highlights!

The Dude waits for news.

Well hello, good afternoon and evening. I didn't mention the morning because I tend not to believe in them. Anyway this is notifying anyone who reads this humble little blog that we are now bothering the brainless worldwide! Our fancy new address is all DOT COM and shit.

And to celebrate said re-birth here is a new weekly feature: Our favourite inter-web based stories and stuff! Because slackers are too lazy to look around for themselves. The title just slides off the tongue doesn't it?

I'll be the Derren Brown of Maths he promises, witchcraft I say!

Click here for the site.

"Oh look another blog" I hear you scream, well actually its a damned good site which looks to teach us retards the way to  scam people using maths and words! I know....actual numbers and stuff! Great I'm learning again, I thought alcohol and hard drugs would stop that.

GERVAIS + DWARF = MUPPETS?

Ricky Gervais shows us the promo to his new Series "Life's too short".
After that Seven Dwarves reality show and Loose Women, its bound to be my favourite dwarf themed comedy show.

ITS HARRY POTTER 10 or something....

Its Harry Potter XII or something. Wait, no, its that play I was forced to go and see when I was 15. But now on a big screen and without that substitute teacher trying to bum me on the coach trip back to school.

JOSE ENRIQUE IS NOT HAPPY.

Click here for the link.

My favourite "obviously latino football player" Jose Sanchez Enrique Diaz says that Newcastle United are losing players because of a lack of ambition..... and they're pretty shit...... oh and poor.......and northern....but hey i'm a Newcastle fan so what do I know.  Thanks to F365 for that link.

FINALLY.... THE BEST ADVERT OF THE WEEK!!! 

Another excellent comedy short from The Natural Confectionery Company. Keep up the sterling and delicious work guys!


More next week.

-Chovey.

Dub-Step: The death of the Underground.

Skream, Benga, Nero, DJ Fresh, Magnetic Man, Kaspa and Britney Spears. What do these serial music makers have in common? No its not a DJ train run on ol' Britney its Dubstep.

To those who don't know, "Dubstep" is a genre of dance music which combines elements of Drum and Base, Grime, Electro and Jamaican Dub yet comes out sounding wholly different and entirely original. It started in the clubs and record shops of south london during the early 00's. Specifically Big Apple records, from which 3 major movers on the scene originated, Messrs Skream, Plastician & Hatcha. It was the undergrounds worst kept secret for years, filling seedy clubs and supporting D&B nights across the country but never quite crossing over to the mainstream. Its slow beats and heavy "wobble" base seemingly too different to be incorporated into the candy sweet popcharts. However something broke, something scooped up the Dubstep children and placed them firmly in the hands of the arms of the Radio 1 elite.  Elements and whole tracks of it can now be found in your favorite David Guetta re-hash and yes even Ms Spears has pilfered from the underground jewels.

DJ Fresh : Louder was number 1 for 2 weeks and now the DJ duo Nero are topping the charts with the Emo/base heavy track "Promises". But why? Why did such a different and precious form of underground experimentalism end up here? Well there isn't one distinct reason but perhaps its very individuality cursed it into the limelight, oh and Twitter.

Here is how: Cool kids like to talk about how and why they're so cool, even though you probably haven't heard who or what they're listening too, the kid with the insanely tight trousers will tell you anyway. Now with Twitter they can tell the world. So, that little band you listened to with Amanda in some Croydon dive, is now that little band that Amanda listened to, loved and then posted as her new favourite, bestest most coolest band of the week on Facebook and which now has 30 likes LOLZ!.

Suddenly there is no underground, anything that is below the street is packaged plastered and listed as "New, Fresh and Exciting." NME and other magazines feature huge spreads listing the next "new" thing. What chance is there for the development of music when its plucked before it even knows what it is, itself? What hope is there when Christina Aguilera is warbling over a Plastician produced track?

Yes, there are many brilliant reasons to support and embrace the new social networks and their spreading of music to un-touched ears. Introducing kids to sounds not heard on Heart FM is brilliant, but we must also make a point of grieving for the death of the underground. Dubstep has shown us the last nails are being slammed into the coffin as we speak.

Chovey

A guide to football for the idiots by an Idiot

I love footy, jumpers for goal posts and all that. Football eh? Its a funny old game isn't it? Well is it? No it isn't. Its pretty predictable and boring if you actually think about it. Which I have.

So i'm going to make 5 predictions for this season. Come back to me in a year when I've been proven very wrong.

1. Manchester United will lose 2 games in a row, commentators will say the title race is finally open, its anyone's game and we are in for a nail-bitter of a finale. But wait! The "Extra Time Lord" Alex Ferguson's nose has lit up like an electric Rudolf and Man U go on to coast the title with 3 games left. Whoops!

2.Newcastle will be talked up as relegation fodder after 3 losses and unlikely Europa league qualifiers after 3 wins. All this will happen before the January transfer window. Cheik Tiote will be linked with a £14 Million move to Chelsea and Arsenal. They will finish 10th.

3. Liverpool will lose faith in Kenny Dalglish because they aren't 1st by October and lost to West Brom. He will be sung to as a hero while they burn him on a pyre of breeze blocks and stolen tires. Mark Hughes becomes the new boss at Anfield. They finish 6th.

4. Joey Barton does something a bit controversial, like killing a linesman with 3 blades of grass for not smiling after he spat on Alan "Slap Head" Shearer from 200 metres away. He gets a 3 match suspension and a hate piece in The Sun. The country is divided, Barton is a thug, but Shearer is a slap head. He finishes the season with another England cap and his own column in the Guardian called Nasty and the Nietzsche.

5.QPR are relegated, but are commended for a gutsy campaign where they weren't scared to attack and score goals, but they just couldn't defend, surprise! They finish bottom of the pile. Warnock appears in Big Brother 2012. Wins after sucking the marrow bone from Venessa Feltz's dead corpse.

Oh and a little extra  for you: 5 players will be caught out in extra marital activities.

At least 3 of these predictions will come true. And if not contact my source.......Gary Neville.

Chovey.