I love footy, jumpers for goal posts and all that. Football eh? Its a funny old game isn't it? Well is it? No it isn't. Its pretty predictable and boring if you actually think about it. Which I have.
So i'm going to make 5 predictions for this season. Come back to me in a year when I've been proven very wrong.
1. Manchester United will lose 2 games in a row, commentators will say the title race is finally open, its anyone's game and we are in for a nail-bitter of a finale. But wait! The "Extra Time Lord" Alex Ferguson's nose has lit up like an electric Rudolf and Man U go on to coast the title with 3 games left. Whoops!
2.Newcastle will be talked up as relegation fodder after 3 losses and unlikely Europa league qualifiers after 3 wins. All this will happen before the January transfer window. Cheik Tiote will be linked with a £14 Million move to Chelsea and Arsenal. They will finish 10th.
3. Liverpool will lose faith in Kenny Dalglish because they aren't 1st by October and lost to West Brom. He will be sung to as a hero while they burn him on a pyre of breeze blocks and stolen tires. Mark Hughes becomes the new boss at Anfield. They finish 6th.
4. Joey Barton does something a bit controversial, like killing a linesman with 3 blades of grass for not smiling after he spat on Alan "Slap Head" Shearer from 200 metres away. He gets a 3 match suspension and a hate piece in The Sun. The country is divided, Barton is a thug, but Shearer is a slap head. He finishes the season with another England cap and his own column in the Guardian called Nasty and the Nietzsche.
5.QPR are relegated, but are commended for a gutsy campaign where they weren't scared to attack and score goals, but they just couldn't defend, surprise! They finish bottom of the pile. Warnock appears in Big Brother 2012. Wins after sucking the marrow bone from Venessa Feltz's dead corpse.
Oh and a little extra for you: 5 players will be caught out in extra marital activities.
At least 3 of these predictions will come true. And if not contact my source.......Gary Neville.
Chovey.
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